I felt somewhat numb and despondent on the plane rides back to the US from Thailand. And that feeling continued into my first week as I was dealing with a combination of jet lag, reverse culture shock, and depression resulting from this big life transition.
Now that I've decided to step away from both living abroad and teaching in general, coupled with the fact that I'm moving back home for the foreseeable future, I feel like "the dream" is over and my life is hitting a hard reset. I can still imagine myself doing my last English Language Fellowship somewhere for a couple of years, and, more realistically, being a Specialist somewhere for a few weeks or months at a time. However, both would necessitate stepping away from whatever instructional design position I will (hopefully) be getting some time in the not-so-distant future.
I am not necessarily thinking that I'll never go abroad again, but right now my goal is to get a remote instructional design position that allows me to work abroad when I want. However, the days of my actually moving to a new country for an entire academic year may be over for me — at least for the time being (like I said, I'm leaving the possibility of another Fellowship open).
While I still enjoy traveling abroad, it is becoming existentially exhausting starting a new life every year or two. Starting a new life involves finding new accommodations, making new friends, starting new jobs, and meeting new colleagues. It also involves interacting and adapting to a new culture with different values, worldviews, and attitudes than my own. While that's what makes living abroad most interesting, and, at times, most challenging, it's also what makes it most exhausting. At the same time, that's what I think I'll have the most issue with after moving back home: the lack of novelty in living comfortably in my own culture.
However, I'm anxious to find out how teaching for "one more semester" will actually feel. Even if I find that it was just the teaching context in Uzbekistan that I was specifically turned off by, teaching English at the university level in the United States is not exactly a financial boon. And I know I won't want to be teaching in public schools based on what I've heard about how the relationship between parents and teachers has changed, how the pandemic has affected student behavior and academic development, and the pressure on teachers as it relates to the latest conservative panic attack (Critical Race Theory) to say nothing of the long hours and low pay.
I feel really fortunate that I seem to have a natural ability to establish goals and take concrete steps to achieve those goals. I did that when I decided to get a master's degree. I did that when I wanted to get an English Language Fellowship. I did that when I wanted to get published. I did when I wanted to start a podcast. I did that when I wanted to attend metal festivals in Europe. Once again, I am utilizing that ability in order to become an instructional designer. That's my goal for 2023.
I need to be careful, though, because I am vulnerable to falling into the trap of thinking that whatever big goal I set for myself will somehow solve all of my problems. That's what happened when I went to teach in Japan. And, on a smaller scale, that's what happened when I went to Thailand for the last quarter of 2022. It may very well be that I start an instructional design position, or even get through most of the course I'm currently taking, and realize it's just not for me. What I need to keep in mind is that I'm back on a path of self-discovery, and I may not find what I'm looking for as quickly as I'd like.
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